This morning I placed the prayer card of St. Josemaria Escriva and Blessed Alvaro del Portillo on Ate. I firmly believed she would wake up without any seizures. And she did! She woke up at 730am today and she reached 10am without any seizures - at least the one where her hands go up, her legs stiffen, her eyes contort and she loses her breath. That didn't happen when she woke up.
But at 12:30pm, right before taking my lunch, she had an attack. The prayer card wasn't on her. It was 63 spams with short intervals in between. And it was an intense spasm each time up until the 50th one. The last few spasms were milder and that was when she was able to cry in pain. The earlier part of this cluster of spasms was so hard that I thought her left eye would permanently be distorted. It was so close together and most likely very painful that she could not even cry.
I held her close to me when she started to cry and the spasms continued. Why my daughter? I wanted to cry and I felt tears coming, but I held it back. Instead I prayed to the saints.
She latched on to me for comfort but I could tell she was just too tired from the seizure. So I waited and lay beside her in bed. I should have been praying but instead I fell asleep. And at 2:45pm she had another attack of 38 spasms. Her face was just as convoluted. Are the damn meds working? I hate that Valproic Acid. I finally read the small prints and saw the possible side effects. It could screw up my daughter's liver. But I guess better her liver than her brain. Damn it! I just got angry again.
I spent the rest of the day taking her in and out of the house, talking to her. And oh, we did some physical therapy. She didn't like it. I distributed her sit-ups and played in between every sit-up. Although her therapy session before lunch was a lot better since we did the whole routine fairly quickly.
Finally she pooped. She gathered all her poop and saved me on diapers! She started her Soy Based Isomil Infant Formula today. It seemed she was frustrated at my breast since the milk wouldn't come out fast enough.
I gave her a warm bath. And then the best part so far today... I gave her a massage. She seemed to enjoy it too since she let me massage her for quite a long time. She just didn't like it when I put her on her belly. I noticed that her right arm which is what she usually uses to rub her face, was very relaxed when I held it for a massage. She didn't try to pull it away so she can scratch her face. And she didn't use her left hand either, she just relaxed. Chill. When I let go and started on her legs though, she would use her hand to scratch her face. But when I would hold it again, she would let me massage it. There was no struggle.
Now she is asleep. Her papa isn't home yet. But can't wait to see him come home. I pray tomorrow will be a better day.
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