Oma cried again today while Ate had an attack. Wowo cried after he spoke with KuA because KuA cried to him. KuA read online about Ate’s condition and what made him cry was the line “… some even make it to their teenage years.”
Ome asked me what is the worst scenario that I have thought of. Well, if she doesn’t survive infancy.
Triccie Sison, Oma’s friend, came this afternoon. Oma needed to talk to her more than I did, I think. Oma did most of the talking and I just sat and listened.
What concerns me… well, when I saw mom and dad cry today… was that they are too old to carry such a heavy burden. They both said they feel twice the sadness and twice the burden because they weep for Ate and they weep for me. I worry because at their age, they should not worry. The emotional burden may take it’s toll on them. I want to tell them not to weep for me. Not to pity me. Because I do not feel any burden.
Oma and Wowo said my whole life is consumed by watching over Ate. Well, I know that one day I would have more time for myself, more time to get myself a decent haircut, more time to go out with friends, more time to help others in greater need, more time to do things I like to do. I know I will have those days. But I am quite happy being with Ate 24/7. Or almost 24/7. I like being with Ate. Although Tita Triccie said I should have a life of my own. Yes I know, but for now I just cherish moments with Ate.
Earlier Ate was irritated with me because I was exercising her. She had some physical therapy. It was a little frustrating on my part because she couldn’t seem to do what she was able to do before. That’s because we had a week of not doing any therapy sessions. Now I know better.
I also noticed that when her mind is busy and stimulated, her seizures are less. Or that they tend to stop. Just earlier I saw two mild spasms and very quickly I got a flashlight and asked Ate to follow it. And I moved her arms and legs cross-lateral while she lay on supine. And the seizure was gone. And since her seizures happen during her waking or sleeping moments, then I guess that is when her brain is least stimulated or least busy. Hmmmm…. It just confirms more Glenn Doman’s hypothesis that a seizure is the brain’s heroic act of self-correcting itself. It makes sense to me. I don’t need scientific terms to back it up. I just believe it. And as the mom of Ate, I am the best doctor to Anya.
Sheesh.. our doctor (although she is very helpful), like other doctors, has no cure – just treatment of the symptoms.
Am a little excited now to do Bits of Intelligence cards on Ate. Because she was looking at the faded photos of the ones I flashed her. I need to do now the big red words to see if she is really looking at the words in the Baby Can Read DVD or if she’s just looking at the bright lights. Well see…
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