Today Lord I am humbled. We are humbled as parents of Ate. We are blessed to be her parents and we were reminded this by a very devout Catholic woman. So many people in the world are praying for her and for us, her parents. People we do not know.
A woman from Qatar read about Ate and she was the one who told us what her name means – to bring blessings; to be a blessing to others. She truly is.
Today, a breastfeeding busy mom (that’s all I know of her since I just know her through an egroups online), decided to give a generous donation for Ate’s miracle. My old college friend handed me a check with an amount that I believe was way too much. Because it seemed like it wasn’t an “extra” that they have financially. It was a significant amount for a young married couple to give. And her husband’s office pledged to give a percentage of their sales commission to Ate come June. Not a percentage of their salary, but a percentage of their hard earned commissions! And we don’t even know them!
For a time I was postponing listening to a man who had experienced a miracle, because I thought I would get depressed. But I was much enlightened and convinced that the miracle of Ate is soon to happen. Too bad I reached only the latter part of his sharing. But he said that his ordeal was very heavenly and not as what others thought it.
Christ is passing by our lives. Passing by really close. So close I find myself weeping with a strange sorrow in this suffering (which I know has meaning, but which I do no yet know the meaning of)… and weeping with an inexplicable joy. And excitement! It’s so hard to describe it again. I need a word in between excitement and anxiety. I wish I were more eloquent with a higher vocubulary because I’m sure there is a word for it!
Tonight, my husband and I prayed for humility. Because we want the glorious victory of Ate to happen and we are excited to announce it to the world! I want a big first birthday party for Ate. I asked the Lord that she be able to crawl before then and something tells me that it will happen – that we will witness her reach that milestone by her first birthday. Even at this point her seizures have very minor improvement and she still has no social smile. Oh what I would give to see that social smile.
We want that miracle and we want it for the right reason. Take away the false pride. The vain glory that could come from achieving a great hurdle. Because it is not OUR glory, Lord. But Your glory. Remind us that we are just instruments. Keep us humble please. We fear falling into that trap.
We pray for courage, strength, faith, hope, love and right now most especially humility. Concrete and measureable blessings are coming our way financially. And it should not be to our credit. Remind us of our role.
Papa discouraged me from getting into musical concerts for fundraising for 2 reasons: first he says we are not that poor and second the traditional way of earning money through honest hard work is more effective. But immediately I thought to myself… it is more for others to be involved in the miracle of giving. And secondly, though we are not that poor, we are in debt because of business expansion. We didn’t squander the money, business just isn’t doing as well with increasing costs and decreasing customer demands.
Then that thought was affirmed later when the lady from Qatar told us what Ate's name means. To be a blessing to others is to help, guide, allow others to be a blessing to others too.
Why did God allow this to happen? Why the suffering of the innocent baby? Is Ate atoning for our sins? Is she really suffering or she is supernaturally happy being an instrument of God. I say supernaturally happy because I can’t see her smile for that reason. Is she cleansing us by carrying a burden? Or is she carrying a burden at all? What is it to be normal and well? Is being brain-injured a form of suffering? Maybe to us, but to her she is more sanctified. Angels and saints would probably say that Ate got the better deal in life on earth by being brain-injured.
I still believe that miracle of Ate is coming. Lord, please prepare me for it. Not just financially, physically and emotionally… but most especially spiritually. Prepare my soul for the miracle.
I love you, Lord Jesus. Thank you. I’m suddenly sleepy now even if I want to talk to you some more. Please help me stay awake long enough to listen to you now. Please also don’t let the mosquitoes bite Ate. And that her cough goes away and that she doesn’t catch any virus from her cousins tomorrow. I pray also for all those people I promised to pray for… those special kids and their families whose names I forgot but are all in my email. Good night.
And I forgot to mention… please remind me to rely more on all the angels and saints, and St. Joseph, St. JoseMaria, Blessed Don Alvaro and Mama Mary and of course the 3 of You – Father, Son and Holy Spirit than on relying on people here on earth like the Doctors, Practitioners, Therapists and even family and friends.
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