HUMILITY

March 20, 2010 HUMILITY

Today Lord I am humbled. We are humbled as parents of Ate. We are blessed to be her parents and we were reminded this by a very devout Catholic woman. So many people in the world are praying for her and for us, her parents.  People we do not know.

A woman from Qatar read about Ate and she was the one who told us what her name means – to bring blessings; to be a blessing to others.  She truly is.

Today, a breastfeeding busy mom (that’s all I know of her since I just know her through an egroups online), decided to give a generous donation for Ate’s miracle.  My old college friend handed me a check with an amount that I believe was way too much.  Because it seemed like it wasn’t an “extra” that they have financially.  It was a significant amount for a young married couple to give.  And her husband’s office pledged to give a percentage of their sales commission to Ate come June.  Not a percentage of their salary, but a percentage of their hard earned commissions!  And we don’t even know them!

For a time I was postponing listening to a man who had experienced a miracle, because I thought I would get depressed.  But I was much enlightened and convinced that the miracle of Ate is soon to happen.  Too bad I reached only the latter part of his sharing.  But he said that his ordeal was very heavenly and not as what others thought it.

Christ is passing by our lives.  Passing by really close.  So close I find myself weeping with a strange sorrow in this suffering (which I know has meaning, but which I do no yet know the meaning of)… and weeping with an inexplicable joy.  And excitement!  It’s so hard to describe it again.  I need a word in between excitement and anxiety.  I wish I were more eloquent with a higher vocubulary because I’m sure there is a word for it!

Tonight, my husband and I prayed for humility.  Because we want the glorious victory of Ate to happen and we are excited to announce it to the world!  I want a big first birthday party for Ate.  I asked the Lord that she be able to crawl before then and something tells me that it will happen – that we will witness her reach that milestone by her first birthday.  Even at this point her seizures have very minor improvement and she still has no social smile.  Oh what I would give to see that social smile.

We want that miracle and we want it for the right reason.  Take away the false pride.  The vain glory that could come from achieving a great hurdle.  Because it is not OUR glory, Lord.  But Your glory.  Remind us that we are just instruments.  Keep us humble please.  We fear falling into that trap.

We pray for courage, strength, faith, hope, love and right now most especially humility.  Concrete and measureable blessings are coming our way financially.  And it should not be to our credit.  Remind us of our role.

Papa discouraged me from getting into musical concerts for fundraising for 2 reasons: first he says we are not that poor and second the traditional way of earning money through honest hard work is more effective.  But immediately I thought to myself… it is more for others to be involved in the miracle of giving.  And secondly, though we are not that poor, we are in debt because of business expansion.  We didn’t squander the money, business just isn’t doing as well with increasing costs and decreasing customer demands.

Then that thought was affirmed later when the lady from Qatar told us what Ate's name means.  To be a blessing to others is to help, guide, allow others to be a blessing to others too.

Why did God allow this to happen?  Why the suffering of the innocent baby?  Is Ate atoning for our sins?  Is she really suffering or she is supernaturally happy being an instrument of God. I say supernaturally happy because I can’t see her smile for that reason.  Is she cleansing us by carrying a burden?  Or is she carrying a burden at all?  What is it to be normal and well?  Is being brain-injured a form of suffering?  Maybe to us, but to her she is more sanctified.  Angels and saints would probably say that Ate got the better deal in life on earth by being brain-injured.

I still believe that miracle of Ate is coming.  Lord, please prepare me for it.  Not just financially, physically and emotionally… but most especially spiritually.  Prepare my soul for the miracle. 

I love you, Lord Jesus.  Thank you.  I’m suddenly sleepy now even if I want to talk to you some more.  Please help me stay awake long enough to listen to you now.  Please also don’t let the mosquitoes bite Ate.  And that her cough goes away and that she doesn’t catch any virus from her cousins tomorrow.  I pray also for all those people I promised to pray for… those special kids and their families whose names I forgot but are all in my email.  Good night.

And I forgot to mention… please remind me to rely more on all the angels and saints, and St. Joseph, St. JoseMaria, Blessed Don Alvaro and Mama Mary and of course the 3 of You – Father, Son and Holy Spirit than on relying on people here on earth like the Doctors, Practitioners, Therapists and even family and friends.

Surprised but not Surprising

March 13, 2010

This week’s miracles have been a pleasant welcome.  But strangely, I wasn’t as surprised as I think I should be.  Should I say I was already expecting the miracle?  Am I too complacent or am I filled with enough confidence in God?  I can’t have too much faith, and I worry so I’m not that confident or fully trusting.  So maybe a little complacent… Am I expecting things to happen and too lazy to do things on my own because things are falling into place?  Anyway!  Forget the analogy!  I should just keep on praying and doing what I can.  And be thankful for all the blessings!

Let me recount the recent events…

I finally went to CLASP auditory-verbal therapy center even before getting the hearing test results of Ate.  Okay so I have to go back to the neuro-otologist since we can’t do any therapy without any hearing aid.  So we did and we were asked to get a hearing aid.  Phonak Naida III which costs PhP68,000.00 per ear.  And of course Ate needs it for both ears.

I had met Ivan Piccio, certified homeopathic doctor in the Philippines and we started on his recommended homeopathic remedies and stopped those given by Dr. Cricket because he says its not classical homeopathy.  He says they will help but they will not cure.  In any case, we followed.

I also quote his text message when I asked if we should get the hearing aid, “No hurry for hearing aid which could become unnecessary later.”  He also mentioned in our first informal meeting at French’s house… He can treat Anya for 3 months.  And after 3 months, she should get an MRI and see how her brain has developed.  Well, no other doctor said that.   No one dared to say that.  So for 5K we’ll give it a try.  It’s been 3 days and no major improvements yet.  I suppose it is part of her layer being peeled.

Charm informed me that Ate can apply for Kindermusik sponsorship.  Depending on her teacher, she can attend class for free and the materials will be given to her for free.  I do hope this is possible.

Brother Arun Gogna prayed over Ate since his daughter is also enrolled in Kindermusik – the older class.  And he said one thing that I’ve sort of been telling myself, “Get ready for the miracles.”  And I can feel it happening soon!  I’ve started praying specifically for Ate to crawl, recognize and react to faces and to hear as a normal hearing child before she turns 1 year old.  I have dared to ask for that.  And I feel it will happen.

An old SE friend called me to share some good news.  She can help me raise funds for Ate by giving us part of the ticket sales for an upcoming piano concert.  I was surprised but I sort of expected it – I just didn’t expect it from her.  Because when the doctors said that Ate is a candidate for Cochlear implants which cost PhP1 million per ear, I immediately thought of having a concert to raise funds for Ate.  I just didn’t know how to go about it.  And then my friend calls!  Isn’t God so amazing?!

Is there a word in between surprise and not surprised?  Because it is a surprise.  But it’s not surprising.

Updates on Anya as of February 24, 2010

This was an email sent last February 24, 2010 which we forgot to upload in the blog.

BTW, target date of garage sale was moved to April 10-11 so we have more time to prepare.  And we've tied up with a piano concert (see photos) for fundraising thru ticket sales and sponsorship packages.

Email sent February 24, 2010

Dear Family & Friends      ....    (long read below)

It has been more than a month since we first sent our first email about our daughter.  And we are thankful for the many supportive replies we received.  So many people around the world are cheering on our little Ate.  Several prayers have been passed around including the prayers below.  We printed out a few and distributed to family & friends.  We will print some more – we ran out of ink!  A few have asked for her photo so that seminarians and nuns can pray over Ate.  People we do not know said they will give us their miles for our overseas trips.  Please hold on to them, we have our first trip this July 2010 ;) A few friends have visited Anya.

The most touching so far is from an engaged couple.  They called to tell us that in lieu of give-aways for their wedding, they will give their allocated budget to Ate’s needed therapy.  They will even distribute the prayers at the wedding.  It is such a beautiful gift.  Their wedding give-away is a message of complete trust in God for they truly believe that Ate’s miracle will come true.  And in the sacrament of marriage, complete trust in God is what is needed.  And to their guests, they share a message of hope, generosity and love.  It brings me to tears every time I think about that couple.

Miracles happen everyday in Ate’s life.  She can roll to her side, her violent seizures are gone ever since she started on homeopathic remedies, her eyes don’t cross as often, she doesn’t scratch her eyes as often (which is a kind of seizure).  She won her 2 week battle over a really bad cough and cold before it got any worse.  Pneumonia is the number one cause of illness and death for the condition Ate has… so anyone who sneezes near Ate gets us really protective.  New therapies that offer a better life for Ate are presenting themselves to us.  A therapist (specializing in cranio-sacral therapy for infants) based in Hong Kong will be in Manila this April and she can do the initial evaluation of Ate then.  That saves us 1 trip!  Afterward, we would have to go to Hong Kong.  People we don’t know are praying for Ate.

A lady whom we do not know received our email and came to our house (which is so out of the way for her) to bring us a message of hope.  She told us of her battles with cancer and how the Singapore government hospital sent her home to die; how she was able to conceive a child after menopause and after a ligation; how she survived liver cancer then breast cancer; and how prayers have helped her.  She will be patching us up with a friend in Hong Kong who does stem cell treatments.

We were not able to email all family and friends about Ate.  We would like to keep all those praying for her updated through email (even if we don’t know you personally).  Also, as part of Ate’s pep squad, kindly print a copy of the prayer attached and distribute to family and friends.  We will call you her pep squad because she can hear you cheering her on.  And we pray that will literally happen! 

Another update that temporarily brought our spirits down was the test result of the auditory brainstem response which indicates that Ate has profound hearing loss on both ears.  The sound of an airplane engine is deafening to our ears but it reaches Ate as a whisper.  Despite this, we still continue to play music, make loud noises and talk to her often.  Okay sometimes we sing with our out of tune voices.  Her ears are okay, it’s the wiring to the brain that needs a lot of stimulation so it can be “awakened.”  We are literally fighting against all odds because prognosis for hearing is … well, there is nothing to say.  But we don’t care because Ate will be the exception. 

Several kinds of therapies are being considered.  Some are available here while others require trips to Hong Kong and Singapore.  We have ruled out therapies available in U.S. and Europe for now – even if they offer better ones.  But even with all the therapy in the world, only prayer and God’s love can heal Ate.  So we continue to ask for your prayers.

Among the many therapies she has to do, we are deciding on which ones to do first given the time and budget.  While we want to do some sooner, we have to postpone because of the needed finances.

Among the therapies / treatment / activities for now:

Ongoing:

1. Physical therapy at home with a therapist who does home visits 1x a week.  We’re lucky we got a time slot!  We do the exercises the rest of the week.
2. Homeopathic remedies for seizure control
3. Brain Food – organic vegetables, gluten free diet, vit B complex and Omega 3 for now.  Other vitamins and minerals after chromosomal test has been done to determine what she needs in her system.
4. Kindermusik
5. Lots of stimulation throughout the day!
   

Others we want to do but still pending because of doctor’s approval and funding

1. Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment (available in Manila)
2. Cranio-Sacral Therapy (in Hong Kong)
3. Advanced Biomechanical Rehabilitation (in Singapore)
4. Placenta Stem Cell Treatment (in Hong Kong or Singapore)

We are planning a series of fundraising activities so we hope you do not tire of us.  It will take more than one to cover continuous therapy.  Once we start a specific therapy, we cannot stop halfway but complete the recommended frequency.  The hyperbaric oxygen therapy, for example, would require between 20 to 40 sessions over a span of 20 to 40 days.  Afterward, a rest period of a few months, an evaluation and then another 20 to 40 days of hyperbaric oxygen therapy.  So the first set of 20-40 days has to be completed.

We’re starting off with a garage sale (perhaps the 1^st among many).  If you have anything to donate, please let us know so we can arrange for pick-up.  Target date for garage sale is March 20, 2010.  It would be great too if you could help in the preparations.

Well, that’s the update for now on Ate.  Good news is her seizures are a lot milder and she doesn’t cry all the time.  And the other is we can make all the loud noises, singing in tune or out of tune and non-stop story telling to Ate because she’s the perfect audience needing all the sound stimulation ever!

Lots of Love,

 

THRU THE INTERCESSION OF

BISHOP ALVARO DEL PORTILLO

Prelate of Opus Dei

O God, most merciful Father, You granted your servant Bishop Alvaro, the grace to be an exemplary pastor in the service of the Church and a most faithful son and successor to St. Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei. Help me to respond faithfully to the demands of my Christian vocation and teach me to turn every moment and circumstance of my life into an occasion of loving You and serving the kingdom of Jesus Christ. Deign to glorify your servant Alvaro, and through his intercession grant me the favor I ask of You...(Make your request). Amen. Our Father. Hail Mary. Glory be…

FOR ATE'S HEALING

Dear Lord we know that there is no physical sickness or condition You cannot heal.  You know all things and You can do all things.  We come before You to intercede for Your beloved daughter ATE.  With faith in Your promise that whatever we ask in prayer You will grant us if it will be good for our soul.  We beg you Lord Jesus to be with her and her parents.  Allow her condition to normalize.  Cease any malfunction in her system and cover her with Your most precious blood.  Arrest any abnormal state.  Let the grace of Your divine love flow and spread to all the parts of her body.  Comfort her and her parents at this time.  May you constantly assure them of your love.  This we pray in Your name.  Amen. 

FUNDRAISING

Garage sale was done April 10, 2010 at a friend’s house. Thank you my friend! We were not there to help man the sales because Ate spiked a fever of 39 degrees and mommy and Ate had to stay at home together – away from the heat! Thank you to all who donated garage sale items. The baby items and toys sold quickly! There are a few more items left and we’ve divided it since we will donate some to another garage sale for another person in need, but kept a few (like baby related items) for another garage sale sometime this June. Please let us know if you have some items you want to get rid of!

Our family faces daily emotional struggles as we helplessly watch our innocent baby go through uncontrollable seizures. For about 4 months, Ate went through 3-5 violent seizures a day. In the last few weeks, her seizures have subsided and are not violent and convulsive but still keep us on our toes (since she still has some oxygen deprivation to her brain). The financial burden to cover all necessary expenses – medical and therapies – often overwhelm us. As parents, we stop at nothing to make sure we can give the best to our child.

Ate has to undergo several kinds of therapy – physical therapy, occupational therapy, oxygen therapy, detox therapy, advanced biomechanical rehabilitation therapy, speech therapy, etc. All the doctors and therapists recommend Early Intervention so time is of the essence.

Since her seizures manifested at 6 months of age, Ate has survived and fights to live a normal life. We believe Ate is a great blessing to our family and friends. We know that with the proper medical treatment she can overcome all the developmental challenges she has. And of course, unceasing faith and prayers will give us the supernatural grace to triumph over all these trials. We believe that we will witness a miracle in Ate.