I know what to do... in theory but not in practice.

When I close my eyes, I can literally see myself eating my own words.

Recently, I have given advice to a parent who wants to homeschool her child. We are far from her current situation, but what I had told her applies to us too. I didn't realize it until I recharged myself at yesterday's monthly recollection. And now I see myself chasing after the words that came out of me and eating them for no one to see.

I hope I caught myself early enough to straighten things out.

Feast of St Joseph

Today my plans were thwarted. I was supposed to attend my monthly recollection and I was looking forward to it. I already made transportation arrangements.

Intestinal Flu. LBM. Diarrhea. Gastrointestinal enteritis. Whatever. It sucks.

So I'm stuck at home. I had a fever last night, extreme weakness and bodyache accompanied with a terrible headache. And of course this morning my eyes are sunken from lack of sleep.

Today I shall sleep. Sleep with St. Joseph.


May I dream God's messages to me so I may be guided.

Sleep is another advantage I see from homeschooling. Ant at her age should get 11-13 hours of sleep a day. She would only clock in 10 hours at most when she was in school. Now that we're on summer break, she's been taking afternoon naps. Sa pilitan!

Yesterday before running off in the park with her neighbors, she had a good one and a half hours.



Last night she slept early because I slept early. In bed by 830pm, I won't forget what she said:

"Mama, we'll pray for you in the altar downstairs ok. Papa and I will pray. You stay here because you have owee. But I will stay with you first now so you won't be alone because Papa is doing something."

Instantly, I felt better. She and papa didn't get to pray in the altar though. They ended up praying over me in the bedroom. And I fell asleep right away. Until about 1am to 3am when I was kept up by this dreaded virus in my gut. So today I sleep.



Ahhh sleep! Glorious sleep! It's what every child needs. St. Joseph hold me as I sleep today. And please watch over the kids since I can't play with them today.

It's official, we are deliberately homeschooling!

The more we tell people that we will homeschool, it seems, the more we convince ourselves - that is the path we want to go.

It also doesn't seem so hard for us to decide on this because we were actually unofficially homeschooling already. That effort was a bit short lived because mama had to go back to work. And papa, well, he tried. It was at the moment when Ant needed more than just instant play with what was available around. Papa had to be a bit more creative in finding those teachable moments in expanding or building on Ant's interest. So that succeeding school year we decided to enroll her in a very good school. And we love that school and their teachers.

I would highly recommended it for those living near the area. It is literally a playground. Play areas include a little sofa with books to choose from, pretend play corners, play dough tables, math manipulatives, etc. The kids sang songs with the teachers and learned thru play. I found the teachers very nurturing. Student teacher ratio was good at 1 lead teacher with 2 other teachers and 12 toddlers in class. The only thing lacking for us was that they are not a Catholic school. Although very Christian I would say. I loved their school Christmas play called One Way. Ant played/danced the role of a lamb. That's one of the things I will miss. I wonder if we will eventually have a chance for these kinds of productions while homeschooling - then I ask myself what learning can Ant draw from it. She can always join a drama workshop like my friend's Helen O Grady when she is older.

The school also had costume days which Ant and I loved. I loved preparing for it. One was to dress us your favorite Scholastic Book character after they had a week of the Scholastic Book sale in school. She dressed as Emily Elizabeth with her dog Clifford. Another was near Halloween and she dressed as a fairy. And for the last school day was a Mad Hatter's tea party. All book based except for Halloween of course. For the Mad Hatter's tea party she wore the Halloween costume which won her the 1 year scholarship with Kindermusik and Big Strides.

So that leads me to the added practical reason why we will homeschool. Every week we will have 1 day of Kindermusik and 1 day of Big Strides (I have to choose 1 class). That qualifies for me to have some away time from her and perhaps some "me" time. And best part is that it's for free! Helps on the budget.

Another reason is the budget. We are very tight and if we cough up the payment needed by the school that we love, that would mean taking on another loan and incurring interest. So we don't really want that stress looming on our heads. We already have loans. Our financial situation changed ever since we realized our eldest has special needs.

The best option would then be to homeschool. I didn't want the budget to be the primary reason why we would homeschool. It did become the final push though. We still had to review why we really want to homeschool. One reason is I missed Ant. During the last few weeks of school I got to drive the kids to and from school twice a week. It felt like a chore at first until I found myself entertained in every car ride. I'm going to miss those. I missed so much of her growing up too. And she's growing up fast.

We'll mind map our reasons for homeschooling soon.

However, the real truth we we decided is because God is clearly directing us this way.

The Park

Came out to the park in the afternoon and counted 5 strollers not including ours. Saw several kids with nannies but only 1 parent. Later on 1 dad showed up to follow and see his kid.

Ant has been naming bamboo trees whenever she sees one because she recently learned it in class. And she's been asking about other trees. I've been wondering about trees. I started to take notice and realized so many fruit bearing trees just going to the park.



One tree looked like Langka but it wasn't like the others I've seen. I have to research on this.



The field was a bit empty on a Monday.



Ate got to sit on the swing, practice some balance and her left hand grip. I knew she enjoyed.



This one played alone at first and begged me and yaya to play with her. I almost felt sad she didn't have anyone to play with even if there were several kids. We weren't around often enough and she's not one to talk to new kids right away.



Bless me! Her classmate carpoolmate MC showed up! They ran for most of the time. A new friend whom her classmate knew showed up but Ant didn't seem to want to play with her because that girl asked her to leave and play alone in another seesaw by herself. I watched to see how she would react. She pouted and was ready to leave saying that she would be alone. Luckily MC preferred to play with her, grabbed her hand and together ran away. The three girls ran and ran everywhere.

At one point Ant fell of the seesaw and almost hit her chin. She got up quickly and when we knew she was okay, we pretended not to look her way. Later on she did eventually trip and MC's nanny took notice. I didn't see the actual fall and was concerned of course. So was yaya J. That's when she cried with tears incessantly. She didn't want to play anymore. It was time to go home anyway. Walking home I asked why she cried and she said everybody saw her trip. That evening she told Papa that MC pushed her and she got an ouwee which were both not true. I had to name her emotion and told her those weren't true. I said she was embarrassed and that's why she cried. What's important is that she got up after the fall. She nodded and I hope she understood. I forgot to mention that she shouldn't worry about what others thought if they did see her fall.

I thought I could send her off to the park with just the nannies (to be able to do other things at home), but I'd miss out on teachable moments. And I wouldn't be able to observe first hand. Eventually, I suppose, when self-esteem and confidence is higher.

Considering homeschooling again...

Now that I will again be a stay at home mom I just might home school our third. Ant is doing so well in her school and she really enjoys being with her carpool mates. I guess her school is mostly play based activities that's why it works so well for her.

After reviewing all that I've downloaded before, the best advice I take with me now is...

Start with what you have.

I looked through our toys and books and I realize I have so much. Now to organize and rotate them.



Like this one I bought at a bargain! Not for kids who put things in their mouth though. I'm not sure about the toxic level of the materials used. But it's great for toddlers! And it's not like I should leave them alone with it.

Katerina Miryam birth story

January 1, 2015. 2:37 am
As I type this I am at the lobby of Makati Medical Center tower 2 waiting for papa to come up from the parking. Bloody show was around 12:30 am and it seems water broke too. I felt some contractions but I wanted to sleep. After talking to Gigi who recently gave birth, she urged me to go to the hospital since there's higher risk of infection after water breaks. Tita Suey also said to go have myself checked already so here we are in my pajamas and shawl seated on a wheelchair. You are still moving around but not as much...

January 6, 2015.
They had to take my phone so I couldn't write to you. Anyway, it was a very quick delivery.

3:15am I.E. was 3 cm and I did feel contractions becoming stronger. The monitor was attached although I insisted on sitting down. I wanted to walk around still so I walked to the bathroom to change into hospital outfit. Papa wasn't with me but outside so he could have me "checked in."

4:25 am Papa finally arrived at the birthing room to hold my hand. This time contractions were really getting strong and closer together. I prayed to Mama Mary especially since it was the Feast of the Solemnity of Mary. And I told her to guide us, the doctors, the nurses the staff during birth. I also told her to decide for us if we go for an epidural or not.

4:35 am I told Papa I didn't feel as strong as I was when I was pregnant and in labor with Ate and Ant. The pain was getting unbearable. I apologized to you and said we were going to get an epidural and it would get into your system.

4:38 am I remember I was writhing in pain. I asked to be wheeled into the delivery room already because I had the urge to push. Doctors came to do an I.E. and I followed up on the Anesthesiologist.  Papa said I was already screaming in pain at every contraction and I had tears. I heard 7cm only, "mataas pa and it would be perhaps 1 cm more per hour." And I said, no it can't be. She wants to come out na. I have the urge to push. So I think I did since I can't remember too well. Then I felt my water burst and that's when a doctor put her hand there where I felt slight comfort. I heard "sedate" and "i-table na" and "crowning na" and "let's go! let's go! let's go!" Papa had to let go of my hand since my bed couldn't fit the door. The doctor rode on the foot of my bed with me since she couldn't remove her hand and kept it there close to the birth canal.

4:48 am was the last glance I had in the birthing room digital clock before I was wheeled into the delivery room nearby. I heard the doctors say, "sir wait po kayo muna, we have to prep her before we let you in." I was screaming in pain and I started to feel lightheaded which worried me. At the delivery room I was asked to scoot over from my bed to the table. I said "di ko kaya kailangan buhatin niyo ako." I heard, "maam hindi ho pwede." I felt another contraction and I screamed, "I'm going to push!" and I did. The doctor still had her hand down there. Two men had to gurney me to the table as quickly as possible. A steel bar came in front of me and a blue cloth with the MMC logo was draped in front so I couldn't see below my waist.  Another doctor came to my side and she wore a black jacket. The bed was cold the table was cold and the jacket looked nice and warm and I grabbed it and never let go.  I felt 2 or 3 more contractions and pushed shouting like they do in the movies. I asked, "Andiyan na ulo niya? She wants to come out she wants to come out!!!"

I looked for your papa in the room. I asked the black jacket "kung mahahabol pa ang epidural." The black jacket replied and said, "maam crowning na po."

Okay I felt the doctor kinda let go down there. I literally felt the crowning. Everyone in the room disappeared into white. All I could see was my body lying down with you inside getting ready to come out, the black jacket and white all around. I felt a burning, vibrating, pulsating 10 cm crown with all the pain and glory as the final contraction came. I visualized a throbbing wave of flowing petals. Can I describe it as the crown of thorns and the burning bush hahaha! In my mind I said K let's do this you must come out now because mom is getting tired and might pass out. And we did one great push with a heave in between to catch a little breath and continued the push screaming "AAAAHHHHH".... and out you came. It was instant relief of pain and I felt my tears. I heard you cry and I heard "baby out 5:08 am."

5:08am I was so happy to hear you. I asked for papa and the black jacket replied, "papasok na po." I heard "congratulations maam happy new year."