Every year people come up with New Year's Resolutions. The gyms are jam packed, everyone is there but by mid-year, or even earlier for some, the gyms become empty.
Next year though, will really be a new and tough year for me. I will be diving in to work. This month I'm already dipping my feet in. I won't be diving in too far though. It will still be a flexible schedule - oh the advantages of running your own business. But yes, the headaches will be there. As with anything, challenges can overcome us.
Sometimes I just want to yell, bring it on! A few days ago I almost had a breakdown moment. Get a grip! I told myself. It's not that big a deal. I laugh about it now, but a few days ago I felt completely helpless.
Now I have to plan my days well. Plan my schedule to work around the schedule of my children. Yes, they have priority. No client meetings on Kindermusik days. And another planning is meal planning for my husband who has gone on a healthier diet! Praise God for that! But buying fresh greens has become an almost daily task. Nothing green lasts in the refrigerator and my daughter snacks on fruits and carrots. Not complaining!
For 2013 I have to be the best I can be - so may family can be the best they can be. I remember Christine Ho in MasterChef Season 4 during one interview. She said (or something like), "I don't want to be just an inspiration, I want to WIN this competition."
I wonder what my daughter with special needs thinks. I don't want to be just an inspiration, mom. I want to be the best I can be. She is in a competition with herself and her greatest challenge is the perception of many. Sometimes, I think she doesn't understand. I have to remind myself and go about life assuming that she does and she can and she will one day. Otherwise we have been defeated. Talk about high hopes.
Can my daughter win any competition without equal footing? How big a role will her disability play? How about my role as parent? I sometimes feel I could be the worst judge of my daughter. I hate it when someone asks what she is good at. I have to dig in deep to say what . . . she is good at crawling. I will probably get a blank stare and a moment of awkwardness. I mean, you had it coming lady. You can see my daughter don't you?
I have to *sigh* and put a clarification inside of me so I can say it will full enthusiasm and conviction.
My daughter can crawl and she does it so well! --- is really an abbreviated version of:
My daughter with global developmental delay, lissencephaly, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, near blindness and bilateral profound hearing loss can now crawl after years of hard work and therapy and although clumsy looking and miscoordinated, she does it so well considering the wiring between her brain and the rest of her body isn't functioning and cooperating as ours does.
Again...
My daughter is such a good crawler. And one day she will be a graceful walker.
The best I can be for 2013 is the best believer for my daughter. God, we are waiting on your miracles and we are working towards them.
